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SouthernWolf.net: Humor

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Page 2 of 7 (39 total stories) [ << | < | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | > | >> ]   

No tragedy Score: More about Printer Friendly Send to a Friend Save as PDF
Humor

Barack Obama was visiting a primary school and he visited one of the classes. They were in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asked the presidential candidate if he would like to lead the discussion on the word ‘tragedy’. So our illustrious Obama asked the class for an example of a ‘tragedy’.

One little boy stood up and offered: ‘If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a tractor runs over him and kills him, that would be a tragedy. ‘No,’ said Obama, ‘that would be an accident.’

A little girl raised her hand: ‘If a school bus carrying 50 children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy.’ ‘I’m afraid not,’ explained Obama. ‘That’s what we would call great loss.’

The room went silent. No other children volunteered. Obama searched the room. ‘Isn’t there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?’ Finally at the back of the room, Little Johnny raised his hand. In a quiet voice he said: ‘If the plane carrying you and Mrs. Obama was struck by a ‘friendly fire’ missile and blown to smithereens that would be a tragedy.’

‘Fantastic!’ exclaimed Obama. ‘That’s right. And can you tell me why that would be tragedy?’ ‘Well,’ says the boy, ‘It has to be a tragedy, because it certainly wouldn’t be a great loss… and it probably wouldn’t be a accident either.’

WeaselZippers

Comments
Posted by Southern on Sunday, April 24, 2011 @ 00:42:28 EDT (1709 reads)

The Guinness Bet Score: More about Printer Friendly Send to a Friend Save as PDF
Humor

A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and clears his throat to the crowd of drinkers. He says, "I hear you Irish are a bunch of hard drinkers. I'll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back." The room is quiet, and no one takes up the Texan's offer.

One man even leaves. Thirty minutes later the same gentleman who left shows up and taps the Texan on the shoulder. "Is your bet still good?" asks the Irishman.

The Texan says yes and asks the bartender to line up 10 pints of Guinness. Immediately the Irishman tears into all 10 of the pint glasses, drinking them all back-to-back.

The other pub patrons cheer as the Texan sits in amazement.

The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and says, "If ya don't mind me askin', where did you go for that 30 minutes you were gone?"

The Irishman replies, "Oh... I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first."

JardMail

Comments
Posted by Southern on Friday, April 15, 2011 @ 01:15:21 EDT (1663 reads)

FANTASY Score: More about Printer Friendly Send to a Friend Save as PDF
Humor

Obama goes on a State visit to Israel .

While he is on a tour of Jerusalem , he has a fatal heart attack.

The undertaker tells the US diplomats: "You can have him shipped home for $1 million or you can bury him here in the Holy Land for $100".

The US diplomats go into a huddle and come back to the undertaker and tell him they still want Obama flown home.

The undertaker is puzzled and asks: "Why would you spend $1 million to get him home when it would be wonderful to be buried here in this religious country and you would only spend $100?".

One diplomat replied: "More than 2000 years ago a man died here, was buried here, and just 3 days later he rose from the dead. We simply can't take that risk".

Comments
Posted by Southern on Saturday, April 09, 2011 @ 00:05:33 EDT (1755 reads)

Pet fish Score: More about Printer Friendly Send to a Friend Save as PDF
Humor

A redneck with a bucket full of live fish was approached by a game warden in Central Mississippi as he started to drive his boat away from a lake.

The game warden asked the man, "May I see your fishing license please?"

‘Naw sir," replied the redneck. "I don't need none of them there papers. These here are my pet fish."

Pet fish??"

Yep. Once a week, I bring these here fish o'mine down to the lake and let 'em swim 'round for a while. Then when I whistle, they swim right back into my net and I take 'em home."

What a line of horse sh-t....you're under arrest."

The redneck said, "It's the truth, Mr. Gov'ment Man. I'll show ya! We do this all the time!!"

“WE do, now, do WE?" smirked the warden. "PROVE it!"

The redneck released the fish into the lake and stood and waited. After a few minutes, the warden said, "Well?"

"Well, WHUT?" said the redneck.

The warden asked, "When are you going to call them back?"

"Call who back?"

"The FISH," replied the warden!

“Whut fish?" asked the redneck.

MORAL OF THE STORY:

We may not be as smart as some city slickers, but we ain't as dumb as some government employees.

You can say what you want about the South, but you never hear of anyone retiring and moving north.

Comments
Posted by Southern on Friday, March 25, 2011 @ 00:45:09 EDT (976 reads)

No brains, No heart, No balls Score: More about Printer Friendly Send to a Friend Save as PDF
Humor

A doctor from Israel says: “In Israel the medicine is so advanced that we cut-off a man’s testicles, we put it into another man and in 6 weeks he is looking for work”

The German doctor comments: “That’s nothing, in Germany we take part of the brain out from a person, we put it into another person’s head and in 4 weeks he is looking for work.”

A Russian doctor says: "That’s nothing either. In Russia we take out half of the heart out from a person, we put it into another person’s chest and in 2 weeks he is looking for work."

The US doctor answers immediately: "That’s nothing colleagues, you are way behind us….in the USA we grabbed a person with no brains, no heart and no balls….we made him President and now….the whole country is looking for work!!!!!"

Comments
Posted by Southern on Friday, September 03, 2010 @ 16:40:18 EDT (1031 reads)

Warner Bros. had it all figured out in 1940 Score: More about Printer Friendly Send to a Friend Save as PDF
Humor

Eeyore

And now, the few who remember, are not allowed to say it.

Comments
Posted by Southern on Friday, September 03, 2010 @ 15:57:43 EDT (804 reads)



Page 2 of 7 (39 total stories) [ << | < | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | > | >> ]   

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