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SouthernWolf.net: Humor

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Page 4 of 7 (39 total stories) [ << | < | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | > | >> ]   

Lost Score: More about Printer Friendly Send to a Friend Save as PDF
Humor

A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, "You're in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2,346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.

"She rolled her eyes and said, "You must be a Republican."

"I am," replied the man. "How did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct but I have no idea what to do with your information, and I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help to me."

The man smiled and responded, "You must be an Obama Democrat."

"I am," replied the balloonist. "How did you know?

"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you are going. You've risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. You're in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but, somehow, now it's my fault."

Comments
Posted by Southern on Tuesday, June 16, 2009 @ 00:38:53 EDT (860 reads)

Show your badge! Score: More about Printer Friendly Send to a Friend Save as PDF
Humor

A DEA officer stops at a ranch in Montana, and talks with an old rancher.
 

He tells the rancher, I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs.'

The old rancher says, 'Okay, but do not go in that field over there,' as he
points out the location.

The DEA officer verbally explodes saying, 'Mister, I have the authority
of the Federal Government with me.' Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removes his badge and proudly displays it to the farmer. 'See this badge?

This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish...on any land. No
questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do you
understand?'

The old rancher nods politely, apologizes, and goes about his chores.

A short time later, the old rancher hears loud screams and sees the DEA
officer running for his life chased close behind by the ranchers prize bull.

With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer, and it seems
likely that he'll get gored before he reaches safety. The officer is clearly
terrified. The old rancher throws down his tools, runs to the fence and
yells at the top of his lungs....

'Your badge! Show him your badge!'

Comments
Posted by Southern on Tuesday, April 21, 2009 @ 20:16:24 EDT (734 reads)

South Park 3/25/09 Bailout Score: More about Printer Friendly Send to a Friend Save as PDF
Humor
Comments
Posted by Southern on Thursday, April 02, 2009 @ 17:19:08 EDT (754 reads)

Four Great Religious Truths Score: More about Printer Friendly Send to a Friend Save as PDF
Humor

During these serious times, people of all faiths should remember these four great religious truths:

1  Muslims do not recognize Jews as God's chosen people.

2  Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.

3  Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian world.

4  Baptists do not recognize each other at Hooters.

Comments
Posted by Southern on Friday, March 20, 2009 @ 23:36:27 EDT (766 reads)

AIRSPACE VIOLATION PROTOCOL Score: More about Printer Friendly Send to a Friend Save as PDF
Humor

According to a Marine Pilot:

In addition to communicating with the local Air Traffic Control facility, all aircraft in the Persian Gulf AOR are required to give the Iranian Air Defense Radar (military) a ten minute 'heads up' if they will be transiting Iranian airspace.

This is a common procedure for commercial aircraft and involves giving them your call sign, transponder code, type aircraft, and points of origin and destination.

I just flew with a guy who overheard this conversation on the VHF Guard (emergency) frequency 121.5 MHz while flying from Europe to  Dubai . It's too good not to pass along. The conversation went something like this...

Air Defense Radar: 'Unknown aircraft at (locat ion unknown), you are in Iranian airspace. Identify yourself.'

Aircraft: 'This is a  United States aircraft. I am in Iraqi airspace.'

Air Defense Radar: 'You are in Iranian airspace. If you do not depart our airspace we will launch interceptor aircraft!'

Aircraft: 'This is a United States Marine Corps FA-18 fighter. Send 'em up, I'll wait!'

Air Defense Radar: (no response ... total silence)

Semper Fi

Comments
Posted by Southern on Saturday, January 24, 2009 @ 14:13:34 EST (728 reads)

Vodka Tricks Score: More about Printer Friendly Send to a Friend Save as PDF
Humor

Vodka Tricks - Free videos are just a click away
 
Comments
Posted by Southern on Tuesday, January 20, 2009 @ 20:47:25 EST (706 reads)



Page 4 of 7 (39 total stories) [ << | < | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | > | >> ]   

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